


Things were all good yesterday

by FangirlingUntilIdie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Kevin Lives, M/M, Major Character Injury, and blood, graphic descripition of injury, happy and then not so happy, human!Cas
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-01-08
Updated: 2015-02-01
Packaged: 2018-03-06 17:27:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3142658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FangirlingUntilIdie/pseuds/FangirlingUntilIdie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spending almost three months alone at the bunker after the angels fells, Cas has to figure out how the whole being human things work.<br/>He is just getting started on his journey of recovery from falling when fate takes a turn and the only thing that grounded him is taken away violently. How do you keep on living when the very reason for your being is wiped off the earth?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Recovery

When Cas woke up he kept his eyes closed for another moment, lingering in the space between peaceful sleep and sharp consciousness. Cas listened to the darkness. Where there usually was the distant melody of one of Dean's cassette tapes playing in the common room, there was silence. He didn't hear Dean and Sam arguing about a case, he didn't hear them argue about anything. Cas was beginning to get worried. They had been gone for too long in his opinion. One week was normal, two weeks wasn't an exception, but they had never taken more than four weeks for a simple salt 'n burn.

He wished he could've gone with them, but Dean wouldn't have it.  
“You're too weak” he had said, “You'll get yourself hurt” he had said. As if Cas had lost his ability to hunt together with his grace. The thought of his grace made something inside of him tighten uncomfortably. It felt like the space where his grace had been stored was left empty, and the muscles around it tried to contract around it, to grasp something that was long lost. Cas took a deep breath, then he opened his eyes and sat up.

  
His room was dark and empty. The only light came from the alarm clock on his bedside table. It was 1 pm. No wonder, he had spent the entire evening and night on the internet, watching mostly cat videos and reading recipes. Cas swung his legs off the bed and stood, searching his balance for a moment before going to the bathroom to take a shower.  
The dim bathroom light made the dark circles under his eyes look like deep craters on the bottom of the sea. He hadn't shaved in two weeks, when the worry got stronger than the hopeful anticipation of Dean's and Sam's return. Having to shave was an entirely new experience to him, since his hair didn't grow whilst he had still had some grace inside of him. Cas turned on the tap and sprinkled his face with water cold as ice. It didn't feel refreshing, but at least it woke him up. The warmth of the sheets left him when he stripped his clothes and stepped into the shower. He kept it a quick morning shower, which made it impossible for the warm water to soothe his wrecked nerves and relax the muscles in his back. Stepping out of the shower, Cas realized that he hadn't checked for clean towels. He considered going back to bed, wet as he was, but a weak voice inside of him told him that mourning over his two best friends, over his family, wasn't going to make them come back to him earlier. He quickly went through the options he had, and finally decided to look for a clean towel in Dean's room, which was just across the hall.

  
Cas hadn't entered it since they had left, so when he entered Dean's scent hung in the air. It made Cas painfully aware of his absence, so after he found a towel and dried himself with it, he decided to borrow one of Dean's sweaters that he usually only wore when he was at home, in the bunker, where Cas was.  
He pulled to soft fabric over his head and inhaled the different flavours. There was the fragrance of the Impala, of the leather seats and the music and the freedom it gave them. There was the fragrance of his cologne, which combined both a sweet note and a strong, masculine note. There was the fragrance of Dean's skin that followed him everywhere he went and made everything somehow smell better. Cas pressed the wool to his face and took a deep breath. It reminded him of the first time he had touched Dean when he was in hell, a tortured soul torn apart by grief and fury that, despite all, shone brighter than all the souls he had ever seen combined. It reminded him of the first cases they had worked together, when he had still been an angel under heaven's command. It reminded him of how Dean had told him to never change. Sometimes he wondered if that included being an angel. After all, since the fall Dean had somehow been more cool towards him, he had kept his distance. It reminded him of the apocalypse and how he rebelled for the human Dean Winchester, for whom he had stronger emotions than he would ever admit at that time. It reminded him of their first hunts together, hunter and angel, side by side, indestructible. It reminded him of all the times Dean had been there for him when he needed him, whether that meant explaining how the washing machine worked or stabbing another angel that was out to kill him. It reminded him of Dean saying “I need you”, which meant the world to him. Dean Winchester had given him a purpose in life, a reason to keep going. What if he never returned from the hunt he was on? What if his human was to never come back, never know about the real extent of their profound bound, be it only from Cas' side?  
It was in that exact moment that Cas realized he needed Dean to know just how much he meant to him. After all, he was the first angel to rebel and fall for a human being that seemed to be so unimportant in the bigger picture, but really was the most precious being Cas kept hidden in a corner of his heart.

  
Cas stood in Dean's room for what felt like an eternity before he was ready to move again, ready to exist again. He closed the drawer of Dean's wardrobe and left his room, cautious to close the door correctly. He didn't want Dean's scent to leave his room and mix with all the different scents in the bunker, eventually vanishing into nothing.  
He quickly put on his sweat pants and then went to the kitchen to prepare himself a meal.

Nowadays, a meal meant cornflakes and milk. Cas didn't know how to drive a car to go to town and buy something real. He had never needed to learn it since he could just fly anywhere he needed to be. And besides that, he didn't know where to find the garage since the bunker was huge and Cas was happy when he didn't get lost on the way from his room to the kitchen. After pouring himself a rather small portion of cornflakes and milk, since he was sick of it after eating nothing else for the last month he sat down on the couch and tried to make himself comfortable, but he just couldn't find a way to fold his legs so they wouldn't fall asleep. He hated the sensation, it made him imagine thousands of ants scrambling trough his muscles. When he found a sitting position that was somehow comfortable he turned on the TV. Cas didn't really care what was on, he just needed to hear human voices in order to not go crazy after a month of loneliness.

  
After he finished his cereals he began daydreaming of Dean returning to him, healthy and happy. In his imagination, he got up and walked straight towards Dean. He kissed him gently on the lips and whispered “I loved you since the first time I lay eyes on your broken soul, and you were perfect.” He placed another caressing kiss on Dean's soft, full lips. “You were beautiful when you were broken, and you were beautiful when you were mended. You were beautiful when you hated me and you were beautiful when you accepted me as your friend. Dean Winchester, you are the most beautiful person inside and out, and I love you with all of my heart.” Dean didn't respond to Cas' confession. Instead, he leaned in and kissed Cas back gently but forcefully. Their lips parted and Cas could taste Dean, when their tongues touched it felt as if an electric current was running through his body, making every cell feel alive and vibrant. Dean cupped his face in his strong hands and pulled at the curly hair on the back of his head. His fingertips traced a burning pattern on Cas' melting skin, slowly wandering down his throat and onto his shoulders. Cas' breathing went heavier, his mouth kept clashing with Dean's, each new touch more demanding than the one before. “I need you. Now!” Dean growled into Cas' mouth, his voice raw with lust and even deeper that usually.

Nonsense, Cas thought. Dean would never return my feelings towards him. Look at me. I am broken, I am useless. I am nothing without my angel powers.  
And then it struck him like lightning. He was wasting his time. With each day he was one day closer to his death, or to Dean's death. And he wasted it lying around in the bunker, eating cereal and watching cat videos on the internet.  
Dean would be disappointed, he thought. He wouldn't want him to waste his time like that. Cas brought the sleeves of Dean's sweater up to his nose and took another deep breath. He closed his eyes and let the memories of Dean wash over him. It was silly, but this gave him the strength to get up and begin doing something. He would need to keep himself alive and healthy for Dean.  
The bunker was a mess. Cas had left it unattended most of the time. He began cleaning the kitchen by putting all the used dishes into the dishwasher and turning it on. Then he checked the fridge and cupboards for food. Almost everything was used up, the only things he found were a pack of crackers and three packs of cornflakes, but only one litre of milk remained. When Sam had gone shopping for Cas he didn't think they would be gone for so long, so naturally he didn't buy more than necessary for two to three weeks. The only reason there was still food left was that Cas sometimes forgot to eat until he felt a sharp pain in his stomach. It was often only then that he realized he had to eat, being a human and all was something that he still struggled to get used to.

  
Cas went to get a pen and some paper, then he began scribbling down a shopping list in a handwriting that could have been one of a six-year old. He would need fresh fruit and vegetables, he realized. Most of the recipes he studied at night were vegetarian. Cas just didn't see the sense in eating another being, one of God's creations, that was once living and breathing and feeling. To him it was like murdering an innocent soul. Surely he had killed lots of demons, and angels, before. But eating an animal felt different to him, it felt wrong.  
When he finished the shopping list he realized he had no idea how to get into town. There was no bus and he didn't know how to drive a car. Just in case, he checked the maps of the bunker to look for the garage. When he finally found it he was relieved that there were not only cars and motorcycles, but two bikes as well. He was sure he could handle them. One of the bikes was way too small for him, but the other fit perfectly. He tried to ride it, and much to his surprise it was easier than he thought. It took him only a few rounds in the spacious garage to feel secure enough to go outside. Before leaving he checked for his keys again, a map of the region and if he had enough money. It wasn't hard getting into town, it was basically only straight forward, but he took the map with him just in case. Cas checked everything again, noticing the empty space where the Impala was usually parked, which made him feel a dull pain in his chest. Then he went to the garage gate and opened it.

  
He had to squeeze his eyes shut. The sun was shining brightly and Cas' eyes were only used to the dim lighting in the bunker after one month of staying inside. A fresh breeze blew through his messy hair and made him freeze a little. The goosebumps didn't bother him though, he was just glad to get outside again.  
Cas pushed the bike outside and closed the gate, then he mounted his bike and began driving towards town. He still felt a little insecure, after all this was the first time he had ever ridden a bike. But after two curves or so he began to relax a little. He actually enjoyed it, just like being outside again. Cas felt strangely connected to the nature around him. He felt completed, and not lost any more, like most of the time during the last month.  
Cas tried to absorb all the impressions of nature. The way the sun shone through the yellowing leaves, the rustling of the trees above him when the wind blew through them, the smell of mushrooms and wet forest floor, all the insects that seemed to float through the air, the splashing of the stream that flowed next to the road. He was so distracted by all the details around him that he didn't even notice his fingers getting colder and colder, eventually even turning a red-purplish colour, as well as his cheeks and his nose. Finally he felt at peace with himself again, with being human. He felt like he was finally enough. He was a part of the nature around him, and the nature was a part of him.

Time seemed to fly past, and so Cas was surprised when he reached the first houses of the small town that was closest to the bunker. Now navigation would get a little trickier, but he decided to stay on the road he had arrived on and go straight forward at first. His strategy was successful, and after a few more minutes he saw a gathering of tents on his right hand side. These tents caught his attention, so he decided to find out what they were good for. After asking a pedestrian that passed him he found out it was the weekly farmer's market. Just what he was looking for. Cas dismounted his bike and pushed it through the narrow rows of tents, ingesting as many sounds and smells as humanly possible.

  
He came to a halt in front of a stand that offered all kinds of fresh organic vegetables. The owner greeted him and asked him what he would need. Cas took out his shopping list and handed it over to the elderly woman. “Would you like to buy a jute bag to carry your shopping? It's reusable and homemade” she offered, smiling at Cas genuinely. Cas smiled back, and accepted gratefully. He had begun to worry how he was going to carry all of the food back, but the problem had solved itself. “There you are, sweetheart. I got you everything except for the peanut butter, but I know someone who makes it themselves. Her stand is just round the corner.” she told him. Again, Cas thanked her. He paid and put the bag into the bicycle basket. Then he went looking for said peanut butter stand and found it without any problems. He bought a glass and then checked his shopping list and compared it with the shopping in his new bag. Nothing was missing, but he didn't feel like returning to the bunker just yet. So he strolled over the market for another hour or two, buying decorative pumpkins for the kitchen. Placing them there, he hoped to get a little nature from outside into his new home. And maybe Dean would like them, too, when he returned. Cas realized that the bunker was not only his first real home since he had left heaven, but also Dean's and Sam's. He would make it as homely as he could, he decided, so when they returned it would be like truly coming home.

  
When the sun began to set Cas was already halfway home. He was humming a little tune, but the steep road soon got him out of breath so he was struggling to pump enough air into his lungs, making it hard to keep up the melody at the same time. Despite being out of breath and his weakening muscles, he was determined not having to dismount and push his bike up the hill. After all, he used to be an angel of the Lord. He didn't, and so he reached the bunker before it was dark.  
Although Cas had never cooked before the meal he prepared himself tasted like heaven compared to eating only cornflakes for the past month. He felt like he had really accomplished something that day, so when he went to bed that night his lips were showing the hint of an unconscious smile.  
Cas decided to keep Dean's sweater on, it still smelled like him and wearing his sweater all day made it feel like he was truly with him. Under the sheets the sweater was like a slightly too big wearable hug for Castiel, and he didn't feel as lonely and broken as when he had woken up that morning.

  
Before turning off the lights Cas remembered to check his phone, just in case. And there it was. The first sign of life in one month. The display said “1 missed call: Dean Winchester”. Cas felt a lump building in his stomach. He almost didn't build up the courage to listen to it, but then he got over it and pressed play.

_“Son of a bitch, Cas, why don't you answer you damn phone? As if I'm not worried enough already, leaving you alone for so long. I just wanted to make sure you were okay, although Sammy said it was too risky to call in case somebody's eavesdropping. Anyways, um... I hope you're doing okay, dealing with humanity and all... don't forget to hydrate, okay? I called Kevin, he will visit you in two days, bring some provisions and so on. I guess eating cornflakes for a month isn't really considered a healthy diet. Um.. well. I gotta hang up, Sam is getting out of the shower. Don't call me back, it's getting more dangerous every day and if you call me in the wrong moment we might be screwed. Jeez, Cas... I really mi- … I mean -, I'm going to call again when I can, please make sure to take your phone with you so I don't have to talk to the stupid machine again! So... bye, Cas.”_

Cas lay still, the phone still pressed to his ear seconds after the recording ended. He was afraid to move. It felt like his insides had just exploded. Then he remembered how to breathe, and listened to the voice mail again, and then again and then again, until he knew it by heart. Dean worried about him. He risked being found by whatever they were hunting just to check on him. A warm feeling spread from his belly through his body up to his fingertips and toes, until it felt as if his whole body was on fire. So maybe Dean did have feelings for him. At least it was enough to risk a phone call, maybe even risk his life to call him, to hear his voice... and then be disappointed by the answering machine. Damn him! Cas couldn't do anything right. Dean was right, of course. Leaving his phone at home was reckless. He really didn't want to imagine possible scenarios of what could have happened. He sent a quick prayer of thanks to whoever was in charge in heaven, and then turned to his side, phone clutched tightly in his hands, dozing off into a deep, dreamless sleep.

Cas woke up several times throughout the night, always checking his phone for missed calls. There never was one. He decided to get up at 10 am the next morning. He didn't feel as bad as yesterday, but still... things could be better and Cas was ashamed of himself for letting himself go like that. When Cas got to the kitchen he halted for a moment. It was when he saw all the fresh produce that he realized he wouldn't have to eat cereals, but could prepare himself a proper breakfast. But he didn't have any clue how make pancakes, or toast, or anything apart from cornflakes. For as second he panicked, but after taking a few calming breaths he could see clear again. He scanned through the food that was lying around in the kitchen, and after some consideration settled for a banana with peanut butter. It tasted like so MUCH; much more than cornflakes with milk, much more than anything he'd eaten when he had still been an angel.

  
After his first real breakfast in what felt like ages, Cas prepared himself mentally to get the bunker cleaned for Kevin's arrival the next day. Of course he had seen Kevin's room while he had been translating the tablets, but his condition was nowhere near comparison to that. Before he got started he looked through the cassette tapes Dean kept in the bunker and not in the Impala and then chose a tape called Songs to get you going. It sounded just like the mix Cas needed. He put the cassette in the player and after a few seconds of silence the first song began blaring through the speakers:

_Rising up, back on the street_   
_Did my time, took my chances_

Cas recognized the song after two notes, and now he was shouting the lyrics through the bunker as though his very life was depending on it. He had heard this tune a thousand times and more with Dean in the Impala, and Dean had taught him how to feel the music. Cas could feel it now. He felt proud, he felt strong.

_Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past_   
_You must fight just to keep them alive_

He sung the lyrics and with the words all the tension he had built up during the last weeks left his body. Singing these two lines reminded Cas of Dean, whose sweater he was still wearing, and the thought of him, singing his song, cleaning their home, made Cas feel like a real person. He was human and that was okay. He was okay. In that moment, Cas felt that everything would be fine. Dean would come back to him, he was sure of it. When he imagined him coming through the door, running down the stairs that led to the kitchen and common room, wearing plaid as he always did, green eyes sparkling and a beaming smile on his perfect lips, Cas felt like he could move mountains. Just the thought of Dean made him happier than he ever was in all the millennia he had lived through. A soft laughter came bubbling up Cas' throat and he dismissed the idea of moving mountains: in the state he was in he could barely move the couch. Cas let the happiness roll over him, he grinned widely and felt like he was so much. There was no other word to describe how he felt.  
If somebody had asked him how he was in that moment, he would have told them: “I am much!” It was an extremely relieving and uplifting feeling. He was finished cleaning within two hours. Just in time for a well deserved siesta, he thought, and placed himself on the couch, remote control in his hand. He reconsidered his choices, then got up to browse through the large collection of DVDs Dean had begun collecting. After all, he was human now and considered it his duty to catch up on pop culture.

  
Cas had no idea what to begin with, so he randomly picked a film and put it into the DVD player Sam had purchased via Amazon. It had seemed like a miracle to Cas. Sam just had to click on a button on the website and a week later the call from the post office came, telling him a package had arrived that day.  
The prologue began to roll across the screen and soon Cas found himself in a world of jedi knights and the like. He got so into it that he watched the first three episodes without interruption, only once pausing when he needed to go to the toilet, which still annoyed him more than anything else.  
Cas fell asleep on the couch that night while the fourth episode was halfway through. Doing nothing really was exhausting for Castiel.

When he woke up the next morning his neck was stiff and he had a bitter taste in his mouth. Cas stretched his limbs, cracking some of his joints. He ran his hands over his face and then got up to take a shower. He didn't want Kevin to see how little care he had taken of himself while the Winchesters were away.  
The lukewarm water ran over his neck and down his bare shoulders. He let the drops splatter against his skin, circling his neck to get rid of the stiffness. Cas stayed in the shower until the water began to run cold and the bathroom was as hot and steamy as a sauna. The mirror was fogged up, so he opened the door to let some cool air rush in. When he was all dried up he didn't waste time deciding on an outfit. He had no idea when Kevin was going to arrive, and he really didn't want to greet him with no more than a towel slung over his hips. Cas put on a worn-out pair of jeans and a black t-shirt that used to be one of Dean's, but since Cas' wardrobe didn't consist of anything except his suit and trench coat after the fall Dean had decided to sort some of his clothes out and give them to Cas. He had accepted them gladly, his heart warming at the thought of Dean caring so much about him. Cas quickly rubbed a towel over his head in an attempt to dry his hair.

When he entered the kitchen he felt a familiar rumbling in his stomach, so he considered settling for a fast breakfast, but in the end he prepared himself a full-on breakfast with toast and yoghurt and fruit salad. He even had some leftovers which he put in the fridge. Looking around Cas realized there wasn't much to do but wait until Kevin arrived.  
He went to his room to fetch Sam's old laptop and sat down in the library. After a month of isolation he figured it wouldn't be bad to catch up on what was happening in the world outside. Browsing through online newspaper articles he even found some articles on freak accidents in the area. He bookmarked them to do some thorough research on them later and then navigated to his favourite food blog.  
He spent about an hour browsing through the recipes when he heard the newly installed doorbell system that Charlie and Sam had set up ring. Cas felt a nervous flutter in his guts when he got up to see who it was. He was positive that this must be Kevin, but he still hoped that Dean and Sam had come back. The doorbell rang twice more before Cas had made his way through the corridors and ascended the steps that led to the entrance door.  
Before opening the door he remembered what Dean had taught him about securely opening doors. He quickly grabbed the angel blade he carried around out of habit, put it in his left hand and turned the door knob with his right hand. The door opened a slit and Cas peeked outside. Standing in the sun were two persons who Cas didn't recognize at first. When his eye adjusted to the light of the sun he could make out a man and a woman, her being taller than him. She had long red hair and carried a flat cardboard box, his hair was trimmed short and black. He smiled at Cas and after squinting his eyes Cas finally realized that the people standing outside were Charlie and Kevin.  
“Did Dean say we were coming? It's okay, you can let us in. We're no demons, you can test us if you like.”  
Cas opened the door fully and awkwardly stood in the door case.  
“Hello Kevin. Please, come in.”  
Kevin grinned and shoved himself past Cas and into the bunker.  
“Hey, Cas. I hope you don't mind me being here, Kevin called and said you were being lonely because Dean's got some important shit to do.”  
“No, not at all.”  
He took a step aside and let Charlie in, closing the door immediately after she was inside.  
“So, what you been doing all day long all month long?” she asked him on the way downstairs.  
“There isn't much to do, really. I'm still adjusting to being human which is quite a burden to me.”  
“Duh, be thankful your vessel isn't female.”  
Kevin laughed, but Cas didn't understand what Charlie was referring to. They kept the light conversation up, making it easy for Castiel to enjoy their company.  
“Did you have anything in mind? We could go to the library, or..”  
Cas wasn't able to finish his sentence because he was rudely interrupted midway by a rather impatient Charlie.  
“Sorry to interrupt Cas, but there's no way I'm gonna waste my free time organizing Sam's mess of a library.”  
“Actually, we've been thinking we could marathon Game of Thrones with you? I know Sam bought a DVD player, and we even brought Pizza along!”  
So that were the mysterious contents of the cardboard box Charlie was carrying. They made their way to the living room and Charlie quickly began to set up all the machines.  
“You know, you guys could really use a home cinema. This tiny TV is what, 50 years old? There's so much space here, and I could set the whole thing up.”  
Kevin grinned at Charlie's generous offer.  
“I would never decline, but I'm afraid we would have to consult Sam and Dean. After all, this bunker is their heritage.”  
“If they have enough space for a dungeon, I hardly think they'd oppose to having a home cinema, Cas.”  
The DVD menu appeared on the screen and Charlie clicked play all before anyone could interrupt. They passed out pieces of pizza for everyone and watched the three first episodes mostly in silence. From time to time Cas would comment on the happenings, like “Why would anyone throw a child off a tower?” or “This girl is hardly in her teens, her brother is a son of a bitch for selling her off to these savages.” or "That chair doesn't even look comfortable. If it was a massage chair maybe I'd understand...". Charlie just giggled and Kevin grinned knowingly. What Cas found most appaling though was all the nudity displayed in the series. “Is that much nudity really necessary?” Cas watched highly concentrated, shifting his head from time to time. He enjoyed the show, it was well written and the characters diverse and entertaining, but it did cause a lump in his stomach to manifest. All the fighting for the Iron Throne reminded him too much of the war he had caused, of brothers killing each other over power.

They finished the first season and decided to have dinner. Kevin was about to leave for the garage and pick something up when Cas stopped him.  
“There's no need to leave. I have plenty here.”  
Charlie cast Kevin an uneasy glance and together they went into the kitchen.  
“Dean's gonna be pissed.” Kevin stated.  
“I do not - “  
“Listen, Cas. Dean made us promise to make sure you weren't starved or anything. He told us he's called you several times but you never answered. So he asked us to feed you properly without you leaving this place. But apparently you already have, so there isn't much we can do about that now, is there.”  
Cas froze. Dean had called more than once? And just because he was too stupid to answer a damn phone Dean sent two of his friends to check on Cas. Why couldn't he do so himself? What was keeping him? It dawned on Cas that something really must be wrong if Dean worried enough to send someone to look after him. So he did care about him. Warmth flooded through his body as the realization struck him.  
“Dude is everything okay?”  
“Yes I am quite fine. Shall we proceed to preparing dinner now?”  
Cas couldn't keep the smile off his face for the rest of the evening. They began watching the second season after dinner, but after the third time Kevin had fallen asleep they decided it was time to go to bed. Cas showed them to the guest rooms not far from his own. Once he was changed into his pyjamas he fell asleep instantly.

 

The next morning he was woken up by strange sounds seemingly coming from the kitchen. He supposed Charlie and Kevin must be preparing breakfast, but a glance at his watch informed him that it was only half past seven in the morning. Who the hell -

Cas jumped out of bed and nearly ran into his door, then he began to sprint through the corridors.


	2. Relapse

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> With this chapter the rating changes to Mature!
> 
> Graphic descriptions of fatal wounds, blood etc.

There was an uneasy feeling in his bones,  as if  something wasn't quite right  and he could sense it, much like connection he used to have to his brothers and sisters . 

He was out of breath  and his heart beat uncontrollably when he stepped through the door case from the corridor into the  kitchen and  the world around him froze . On the table lay a limp figure,  it's  right arm hanging over the edge. 

A pool of blood was fed by a never ending  stream of scarlet from the fingers onto the ground. The shirt the person wore was torn apart, revealing a ragged wound  in the torso  just where the ribs ended. Blood  flushed onto the table and met with the stream flowing from the  bone-deep cut on the shoulder. 

A rattling breath and a following moan brought Cas back to his senses. He ran towards the table, stopping short only feet from it. He stared in horror as the body laying there turned it's head and two watery, green eyes stared back at him.

“Cas.”

He said no more, just this one word, these three letters and Castiel's heart  shattered . All strength seemed to have left him and he fell onto his knees. Tears formed  in his eyes  and soon spilled over, leaving two wet streaks on his cheeks.

Dean's finger twitched and Castiel cried out in pain, cried over the man who had done so much so save him and hadn't managed to save himself in the end. 

“Get out of the way!”

Sam was in a hurry, pressing a fresh cloth against the ever flowing red stream  from Dean's shoulder. It soon turned dark like the blood and Sam frantically searched for a new one. 

“Hold this!” he demanded Cas.

He got up, as if in trance. His body didn't follow his mind, but he kept pressing the cloth against Dean's open flesh, as if to push the blood back inside, to push the life back inside that was slowly leaving his human.

“Dean, I - “ he  nearly choked on the words , but Dean interrupted.

“ 'm sorry. Cas – too fast, couldn't see. Safe, you're – you're safe  now , Cas”. 

Dean  coughed, then  managed a  distorted  smile that soon turned into a scowl as Sam pushed a clean cloth against the wound beneath his ribs.  He groaned in pain and Cas tried to shush him, tried to see past his tears. 

“You'll be fine, Dean, listen to me. You'll be fine, do you understand me? Dean –  _ Dean,  _ damn it, look at me,  _ DEAN _ !”

His voice broke and he kept whispering his name, as if by some miracle his name would work as a prayer to bring Dean back to him. He grabbed for Dean's hand that was wet with blood but he pressed a kiss to each knuckle, tried to soothe him and kept whispering his name.

“Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean.”

Cas kept repeating the name, whispered it into the skin close to his lips and by some miracle Dean looked at him through heavy lids and bloodshot eyes. A sudden softness accompanied his pained features as he pulled Castiel close to his face.

“ Listen, Cas.” 

“I am Dean, I'm here, I'm listening.”

Castiel was a sobbing mess on top of Dean, whose breaths came unsteady and wheezing. Dean's voic e was no more than a rasping sound  clawing his eardrum. 

“ Cas -” 

But the words didn't come. After listening to a few painful breaths Castiel turned his head to face Dean. His vision was blurry but he could see the traces the tears had left on his dirt-smeared cheeks. Then, all of a sudden, Dean relaxed. The painful expression was wiped off his face and the sickening gargling from his lungs ceased. A final puff of air left Dean's chest when his eyes went blank. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am aware that this is a very short chapter, but unfortunately I am very busy at the moment. Please bear with me while I get over this and continue this story.
> 
> *edited
> 
> As some of you may have noticed I'm busy working on other stuff right now! Yet, no reason to worry. This story is in the process of being written.


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